[lessons I have learned through my own experiences]
I have had to learn how to use the word no, for I have learned that you cannot make homes out of humans. I can no longer keep allowing myself to be used as a home for people who don’t even deserve to see the deepest parts of me.
Home, such a simple word, but such a deep, big, loud meaning. Home. Home has so many different meaning depending on the person you tell it too. To me, home is simply a place where I come to a feel loved, whether that be with my parents, family, or friends.
All my life I have been the girl who tried to “save” everyone. Not always in a literal sense, but I would always take on the burdens of others if it meant they would no longer struggle as much as they had. Some what of a human “home”. But as I have entered college, I have learned that sometimes, my problems need to take priority over those of my friends. And honestly, I struggled with this for the longest time, simply because I had spent so long with the mind set of “save them first” that it was an adjustment for me to think, focus on yourself, then others. And yes, I know you are always supposed to help others, maybe even first, but how can you heal the broken if you yourself are just as broken?
Jesus has taught us, to love our neighbours just as he loved us, and I am all for this, but in moments of weakness, I can’t say I have always done this. I hate to admit that I am not always living up to the great potential God has for me, but it’s true. We all make mistakes whether or not we want to admit it to ourselves, or others. I have always had a fear of making mistakes, because that meant that I would end up disappointing someone that I cared about. I feel like all of us have a little bit of this fear with in us. I quickly learned that mistakes happen, either you can deal with it, fix it, apologize if necessary and move on, or it will eat you alive.
Fear, it wakes us up. It makes us think, it makes us feel, it lets us know we are alive. And boy oh boy does it feel good to be alive.
So as I jump head first into my second semester of college, I have had to learn that no isn’t always bad, and I can’t keep being a home for people who don’t deserve me. I have had to learn that words hurt, but they don’t define you, and sometimes, the person you thought you knew, turns out to be completely different- whether that be good, or bad. I have come to learn that time away from people can be good, don’t feel bad for needing a break. Explain why you are hurt, because if they don’t know it can’t be fixed. I have ultimately had to learn how to be myself, and love that person just as much as I love everyone else.
NP